Welcome to Web site is dedicated to collect best jokes around the world. In database we have more than 1000 funny jokes, but only 100 funniest jokes are displayed. Jokes are ordered by visitors votes. Enjoy best humor on the web.

funny joke


(1.) 82.83%

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says She is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked in the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have .......... read full joke

(2.) 80.43%

A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a second."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: .......... read full joke

(3.) 80.14%

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And s .......... read full joke

(4.) 77.19%

Man walking into bedroom sees wife packing a case.
He asks, "Where are you going?"
She replies, "I'm going to New York, I've heard prostitutes get $400 a time for what I do for free."
The man starts packing case.
Wife .......... read full joke

(5.) 76.88%

Someone asked a detective, "Why are you under a bed sheet?"
The de .......... read full joke

(6.) 76.74%

A stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
- 'What would you like to talk about?'
- 'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
- OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a fl .......... read full joke

(7.) 76.47%

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned.
The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."
The blonde said, "No. .......... read full joke

(8.) 75.27%

You mama is so fat when she when on the weighing scale it .......... read full joke

(9.) 75%

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife, "Look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite!
Wi .......... read full joke

(10.) 74.8%

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlf .......... read full joke

(11.) 74%

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one 5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 and invests .......... read full joke

(12.) 73.68%

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I'm pa .......... read full joke

(13.) 73.58%

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am .......... read full joke

(14.) 73.44%

Your mama is so stupid that she threw a rock a .......... read full joke

(15.) 73.33%

Yo momma's so poor she cant eve .......... read full joke

(16.) 73.33%

A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!!!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question .......... read full joke

(17.) 72.22%

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill:
"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian".
The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians from:
The enraged Russian commander musters 1 .......... read full joke

(18.) 72%

Yo mama is so fat she doesn't need the internet.
.......... read full joke

(19.) 71.43%

Man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking!"
Doctor replies, "Do yo .......... read full joke

(20.) 71.43%

Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his .......... read full joke

(21.) 71.43%

Men is at the airport.
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- S*x?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean, male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But .......... read full joke

(22.) 70.59%

A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out and said, "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East and replied, "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh....I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I .......... read full joke

(23.) 70%

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly .......... read full joke

(24.) 70%

Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkon .......... read full joke

(25.) 70%

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." .......... read full joke

(26.) 70%

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other .......... read full joke

(27.) 69.57%

Little Sally came home from school with a proud smile on her face and told her mum.
"Franki brown showed me his willy today."
Before mum could raise a concern sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut. .......... read full joke

(28.) 68.42%

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "T". .......... read full joke

(29.) 68.18%

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by c .......... read full joke

(30.) 66.67%

Q: What do u call a blonde with one brain cell?
A: Intelligent.

Q: What do u call .......... read full joke

(31.) 66.67%

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits t .......... read full joke

(32.) 66.67%

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris........ After 5 days of extrem .......... read full joke

(33.) 66.67%

Q: What is a mexican's favorite sport? .......... read full joke

(34.) 66.67%

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per .......... read full joke

(35.) 66.67%

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who i .......... read full joke

(36.) 66.67%

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? .......... read full joke

(37.) 66.67%

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father repl .......... read full joke

(38.) 66.67%

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me an .......... read full joke

(39.) 66.67%

A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a pr*stitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get g .......... read full joke

(40.) 66.67%

Two Russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "OK, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka .......... read full joke

(41.) 66.67%

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did yo .......... read full joke

(42.) 66.67%

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.
The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some f*ckin' French toast," he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f*ckin' French toast for me," he says. She is liv .......... read full joke

(43.) 66.67%

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito .......... read full joke

(44.) 66.67%

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any s*xual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are .......... read full joke

(45.) 66.67%

A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highbal .......... read full joke

(46.) 66.67%

A blonde goes to a sales man to buy a TV, "I want that TV."
The man replies, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
She went home, died her hair red and went back to the sales man, "I want this TV."
Again, "Sorry, I don't sell to blonbes."
Frustrated, she went home, shaved bold and went again, "I want this TV!!!"
A .......... read full joke

(47.) 66.67%

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fire.

Why do elephants have .......... read full joke

(48.) 66.67%

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell bac .......... read full joke

(49.) 66.67%

A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother o .......... read full joke

(50.) 66.67%

Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?
She hea .......... read full joke

(51.) 65.22%

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, t .......... read full joke

(52.) 65%

Yo mama so stupid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and s .......... read full joke

(53.) 64.71%

Boy asks his Gran nervously, "Have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD?"
Gran replies, " y .......... read full joke

(54.) 64.71%

Paddy asks Murphy, "Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?"
Murphy replies, "If they f .......... read full joke

(55.) 64.71%

Yo mama so ugly when she threw a boomeran .......... read full joke

(56.) 64.29%

There was in the bar a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most bea .......... read full joke

(57.) 64.29%

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Hallo .......... read full joke

(58.) 64.29%

Truck driver is stuck under bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and sa .......... read full joke

(59.) 63.64%

Yo mama is so poor, rainbows in her neighborho .......... read full joke

(60.) 63.64%

My idea of balanced diet is be .......... read full joke

(61.) 63.64%

Doctor, Doctor can you please help me out?

Yes, over there, .......... read full joke

(62.) 63.64%


Male: I have a bit of data you would be interested in.
Female: Would it be a suitable application for what I'm needing?
Male: We can only but install it to find out!
Female: How do I know if its virus free?
Male: I hav .......... read full joke

(63.) 63.64%

A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Suprised, the bo .......... read full joke

(64.) 63.64%

Boy: Mommy can I go swimming?
Mommy: No, because there are sharks in the water.
Boy: But daddy i .......... read full joke

(65.) 62.5%

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:
"Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head a .......... read full joke

(66.) 62.5%

Yo mama is so big, when she stepped on a scale .......... read full joke

(67.) 62.5%

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out,
.......... read full joke

(68.) 62.5%

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
Its good though, i .......... read full joke

(69.) 62.5%

There was three people approaching the gates of heaven But there was only one place left. The gate keeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go inn.
The first man said: "Well imagine that I expected my wife was having an affair, so I got home early to surprise her. I found her in the bathroom with a towel round her so I knew she wasn't having a shower so I search the apartment and found 10 fingers hanging from the window sill. So I started bashing away at them. When he fell god must have loved him, because he lived. So I threw a refrigerator at him. After all the excitement I died of a heart attack."
That's horrific said the gate keeper, he asked the second man how he died and he said.
"Well imagine this I was riding one of those sta .......... read full joke

(70.) 61.11%

A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.The funeral company told the man that it would cost $45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said, "Ship her home." Shocked, the undertaker asked, "But sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy .......... read full joke

(71.) 61.11%

Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she .......... read full joke

(72.) 60.61%

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural s*xual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said, "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the .......... read full joke

(73.) 60%

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center.
The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow.
The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week.
The blonde .......... read full joke

(74.) 60%

Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the en .......... read full joke

(75.) 60%

Yo momma is so ugly when she tried to get into the ugly competition the ju .......... read full joke

(76.) 60%

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
" .......... read full joke

(77.) 60%

Yo mama so old, I told her to act her o .......... read full joke

(78.) 60%

Two blonde women are talking..

- you know, yesterday, I cheated on my husband
- did you do it for money or for love?
- for lo .......... read full joke

(79.) 60%

Yo moma so stupid, she thought taco bell .......... read full joke

(80.) 60%

Yo mama so stupid she tripped over .......... read full joke

(81.) 60%

Some people wear Superman pajamas.
Superman wea .......... read full joke

(82.) 60%

A man is on a plane
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a bl*wjob."
stuartist runs up .......... read full joke

(83.) 60%

A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink.
When he finished he said to the attorney, "That will be $400.00."
The attorney became irate, "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 .......... read full joke

(84.) 60%

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case th .......... read full joke

(85.) 60%

Yo Mamma's so stupid, she heard it was chilly outsid .......... read full joke

(86.) 60%

Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King wa .......... read full joke

(87.) 60%

I've never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get .......... read full joke

(88.) 60%

A blonde rear ends a man. He gets out of his car and asks:
- Have you ever even taken a driving .......... read full joke

(89.) 60%

Yo mama is so ugly the mirror did not .......... read full joke

(90.) 60%

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional tor .......... read full joke

(91.) 60%

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underw .......... read full joke

(92.) 60%

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the .......... read full joke

(93.) 60%

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle.His father said, "Son, we'd love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night a .......... read full joke

(94.) 60%

God said, "Let there be light."
Chuck Norr .......... read full joke

(95.) 60%

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million du .......... read full joke

(96.) 60%

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. .......... read full joke

(97.) 60%

A blond, brunet, and redhead walk in the doctors office for a pregnancy check up.
The redhead says I'm gonna have a boy because I had got pregnant while I was on top.
The brunet says I'm gonna have a girl because I go .......... read full joke

(98.) 58.33%

Undertaker to bereaved husband.
When did you 1st notice your wife was dead?
Well he replies, "The s*x w .......... read full joke

(99.) 57.14%

Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fanny.
Doc says, " I'm gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow ."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster .......... read full joke

(100.) 57.14%

Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together, Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil said, "What you doing?"
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth, I want a hairy ch .......... read full joke

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